Monday, March 17, 2008

Sneak preview of my big speech tommorow

So it seems I'm gonna have to pull a Romney and feint at an explanation of my views on race brought on by my former Pastor, Jeremiah Wright. What I'm telling you first, dear readers, is that tomorrow's speech is really just a vehicle for my "Big Finish" and man is it gonna be a zinger...

First of all, let me clear up a little misconception the pundits don't seem to have caught on to yet. They seem to think I miscalculated by not distancing myself from the Pastor sooner. Lemme axe you a question though, is anyone out there still thinking I'm a Muslim? Ah...never thought of that did you?

It's called the double megaphone and it works like this. When your opponents are spreading lies and misinformation you give them a lesser story to repeat that negates the first, more damaging story. The rub is that to succeed the second story has to do a bit of damage also to ensure that the rubes will repeat it and therein lies the genius. Just as it seems that things can't get any worse you unleash the stunt and that leaves them too dazzled to remember what their name is let alone anything bad about you.

And that brings us to my speech tomorrow. I've been polishing it all week and I really don't think I could be prouder. I'll start off with a mention of unity and how America is above all this divisive talk and blah, blah. Then I'll move towards change and how typical these types of attacks are of the "old politics" blah. It will be moving. It will be hopeful. Colleges around the globe will be doing shots whenever I say "hope" and chugging beer when I say "change". Expect a lot of that. Then the big finish, the double whammy, the prestige if you will. And remember, this is just between us, because after the most rousing speech you've ever heard I will show America just how different of a candidate I really am.

I'm going to challenge Hillary Clinton to a duel.

You read that right, a duel. As in to the death, twenty paces, choose your second, all of that.


After this no one is gonna be talking about my Pastor, my middle name or wondering if I'm secretly Muslim or not. The American public will hold a collective breath while placing their bets in office pools around the country. Which is what they'd really rather be doing anyway. Game, set, match.

Hey, after all, it worked for Alexander Hamilton. Yeah, yeah, I know he died afterwards but I don't think Hil's as good a shot as Aaron Burr and you don't hear anyone talking about Hamilton's "despicable character" comment about Burr anymore do ya? Of course not, they even put him on the $10 bill and he wasn't even a President. Did you even know that?

Dueling rules. Fauxbama out.